Confession

In a perfect world I would spend all my free time reading the Bible or talking to people about Jesus and furthering my relationship with Him. Unfortunately, I don’t live in a perfect world. So I plod along and make myself feel better by “doing the best I can.” In actuality, I am not doing my best and I think most times I’m not really trying. When I have time, I spend it in front of the television, reading for entertainment purposes, or occasionally surfing the net. Though it pains me to admit, I devote very little of my “free time” to God. This term alone shows how arrogant we humans are. Our time is not free. Our time belongs to God. Our freedom was purchased at a price. Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice for our gain. His death was the most selfless act ever to occur on this planet. It burdens my heart that we take it for granted.

Food For Thought

"A prison cell, in which one waits, hopes - and is completely dependent on the fact that the door of freedom has to be opened from the outside, is not a bad picture of Advent." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Quote for the Day

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. - Winston Churchill

Results :(

Well, Jacey's tests came back and she has thyroid problems. We have an appointment with the pediatric endocrinologist at the end of October. Her pediatrician has started her on Synthroid. She is not very happy about having to have her blood checked at the end of the month. She doesn't like being stuck with needles. (I can't blame her for that one!)

According to the doctor, she has Hashimoto's Disease. From what I have been able to read, it is an auto-immune disease that beings producing antibodies that attack the thyroid. I would think that maybe this had caused some of her problems this past spring, but her thyroid test was normal in February.

Hopefully after she has been taking the medicine for a while she will not be quite so tired!

More Tests

Last weekend we were at a family reunion and with the way Jacey was sitting I noticed that her neck looked a little weird. Since this was during our church service, I couldn't just get up and start poking on her neck, so I had to wait until we got back to the hotel room. When I felt her neck, you can trace the outline of her thyroid. So, when the doctor's office opened Tuesday, we made an appointment for her to go see her doctor. He thinks she has a goiter. We were afraid that is what the diagnosis would be. It is possible it could just be inflammation, but I'm not sure how much I think that is possible. And quite honestly, I don't know if that is better or not. Dr. K sent her for blood work (which she loves - can you hear the sarcasm?!?!) to test her thyroid. It was tested in February and it was normal, but so was her neck at that point. So....in the spring we were at the Oncology office at Cooks and this fall we will be at the Endocrinology/Nephrology office at Cooks. Did I mention that I don't enjoy hospitals, especially children's hospitals? If her thyroid is messed up she will probably have to start taking medicine. If not, Dr. K wants her to see an Endocrinologist at least once anyway. This will be the second time we have been through this in my family. My cousin Melanie has thyroid issues and has been through all sorts of testing. I am really not looking forward to this.

Who or What is the God in your life?

I started working in a Bible Study book tonight called No Other Gods Confronting Your Modern Day Idols. It was written by Kelly Minter. I know absolutely nothing about her, except that this book is hard-core in a very nonchalant way. I actually kind of thought this would be just an interesting and light-hearted look at where we truly put our focus. If I had really thought that through I might not have bought this book. Session One, Day One ends with a note to jot down “any penetrating or new realizations you had.”

Here is what I just wrote in my journal:

The First Commandment is the most important. God is the ultimate power. Everything comes from Him. If our focus in life is not God, then we are only living on the surface. Everything is shallow. There’s no deep meaning because ultimately we are serving ourselves. We have become our own god. (I think I use the term we because it makes me feel like I am not alone in this.)

It’s the last sentence that has really brought me low. To come to the realization that we become so self-absorbed we essentially begin to function as a god in our life. We think we know best – not just for ourselves but for our children as well.

It’s hard to think that what I deem best for my child may not be what God has in store for her. I can say that I want what’s best, but what I am saying is that I really want what I want. I want what I think is best, not what God thinks is best. I am a control freak! I know that and it makes it extremely difficult to turn life over to God.

A Truly Beautiful Love Story

I printed some information from www.desiringgod.org and was reading it at lunch today. Anyway, I was reading a few verses and became caught up in one in particular. It is 1 Samuel 2:2. The English Standard Version says, “There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.” I flipped back a page to read the first verse and noticed the heading is entitled Hannah’s Prayer.

Sidenote – I am always amazed at how much I can remember from some book of fiction that I read a long time ago, but the fact that I have read 1 Samuel before and I don’t remember this prayer really bothered me today.

Anyway, I went to chapter 1 and started reading a beautiful love story. Here’s how it goes:

Hannah was married to Elkanah, but they had no children together. Elkanah had children from another wife named Peninnah. Each year they would go to make their sacrifice to God and each year Elkanah would give portions to Peninnah and her children. But because of his love for Hannah he gave her twice as much. (I’m thinking at least a five pound box of chocolates here!)

Now, Peninnah was not very nice. She made Hanna’s life miserable. She would provoke Hannah and cause her to cry. But Elkanah loved Hannah and would try to cheer her up. (You just have to set aside how you feel about polygamy. I thought this was incredibly sweet.)

So this one time, Hannah went to pray and the priest, Eli, was there and thought that she was drunk because she was praying fervently to herself. Verse 13 says that “…only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard.” Hannah asked God to remember her and give her a son and she would give him to God. Eli actually blesses Hannah in verse 17. He says, “Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him.” (English Standard Version once again.)

And yes, Hannah became pregnant and had a son and named him Samuel. Hannah followed through on the vow she made when she prayed for a son. She took Samuel to Eli where he stayed and ministered. Obviously Hannah being a mom, she never forgot her son. She would take him a robe every year they went to sacrifice. 1 Samuel 2:20 tells us that Eli blessed Elkanah and his wife. He asked God to give Elkanah and Hannah children because of her petition to God. Hannah ended up having three sons and two daughters.(Bet Peninnah didn't pick on her anymore!)

I love this story. Hannah had the courage to pick herself up after being bullied by Peninnah and petition God for what she wanted most – a child. But, the most impressive thing she did was to willingly promise to give her son back to God. Now, here is where I come full circle to what we have been studying at church. We have been talking about prayer. I know that most of my prayers seem to center around what I want or need or think I need. But here is a woman who desperately wants a child and rather than keeping him, she gives him up. Not only does Hannah give up her son, she goes on to say this beautiful prayer in Chapter 2 praising God. Hannah didn’t ask for more children, but she was blessed with them.

In a nutshell:

Hannah longed for a child and asked God to bless her with a son. She asked him for what she truly needed and wanted most and then she willingly returned that gift to God. She gave up the very thing she had most longed for to serve the Lord. And then, instead of railing against God she praised God for who He is and what He does.

I think that is a truly beautiful love story.

Peggy Noonan

I occasionally read the op ed pieces in The Wall Street Journal. By far my favorite writer is Peggy Noonan. If you have never read anything she has written, you are sorely deprived. She has a very eloquent way of writing. Some people sound pompous and arrogant, but not Ms. Noonan. She has the true gift of being able to paint a picture with words. If you get a chance, read the op ed piece about the Omaha Beach landing that was posted on July 5, 2008, or just go to her website - www.peggynoonan.com.

I Have An Itch

This is my favorite picture from my trip to the zoo last Wednesday.

A Few Things I've Learned From 10 Hour Days

These are just a random sampling of some things I have learned from working ten hour days.

1. I don't hate mornings as much as I used to.
2. I love to drink a large cup of coffee on the way to work.
3. I no longer think of needing to get up at 5:00 a.m. as a curse.
4. I really should get up at 4:45 a.m., but I just can't bring myself to.
5. Getting up earlier has not changed the fact that my eyes pop open every morning at 3 a.m. (This is why I can't get out of bed at 4:45. By the time I go back to sleep - forget it!)
6. It's very quiet when I walk outside to get in my car.
7. People aren't usually walking that early in the morning.
8. It is possible to become somewhat of a morning person.
9. It's no longer necessary to get up at 5 a.m. on the weekends to be able to get up during the week.
10. 183 is still backed up with traffic.

But, I think the most amazing thing I have learned is:

11. Sunrise is beautiful! When I leave the house I am driving east and when the sun starts coming up it's like God has taken a paintbrush and painted the most beautiful combination of colors across the sky. And no two days are the same!! It is exquisite and I am truly blessed to see it!

Things I Am Looking Forward To

These are a few of the things I am looking forward to in the near future:

1. Tomorrow - It's Friday!!!
2. Spending time with Jacey this weekend.
3. Sleeping past 5 a.m.
4. The fall television season. (Particularly Pushing Daisies and CSI)
5. Fall break.
6. Jacey starting back to school.
7. Our family reunion.
8. Reading my Bible. (It's been hard to read at lunch lately!)
9. Wipeout next week. (I'm hoping for Celebrity Wipeout but I don't think it will happen!)
10. Disney World with family and friends!!!
11. Sleeping.
12. The Olympics.
13. Christmas!!
14. Church.


Not necessarily in the above order!!

Golf Lessons

Jacey went to her first golf camp two weeks ago and fell in love with golf. She called me after the first day and asked me to get her into the actual classes. She has now attended two camps and is in the process of her first set of ten week lessons. She has already asked about attending the Girl's Golf program when it starts. I am so glad that she has found a sport she enjoys. I know that dance is a lot of hard work and is very intense, but I consider it more of an art than a sport. Here are a few pictures that a friend of mine took and sent to me. (Thanks Paula!)

Top 7 Ways To Tell You Are Having A Bad Week

7. Monday morning you're running late. (It's after a weekend - does this really count?)

6. Your car won't pass inspection because the check engine light is on.

5. You borrow your mom's car to meet your fellow carpooler and leave the lights on and run down the battery. (Thankfully Travis was very nice and came over and jumpstarted the car!)

4. It costs $722.68 to get your car to pass inspection.

3. Your fellow carpooler goes to lunch and has an accident. (The good news is the car was not damaged that badly and noone was hurt!!)

2. You fall down the stairs when leaving the office. (I left purple nail polish skid marks on the stairs!)

and

1. IT'S ONLY TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can pray I survive the week. I know I will!

High Gas Prices = 40 Hours in 4 Days or I’m Not Sure What Day It Is

Thanks to high gas prices, one of my co-workers and I started working 10 hours a day this week so that we only have to commute four days. We are alternating driving to help save even more $$ on gas. We meet at 6:15, jump in the other person’s car and off to work we go. We are at the office by 7 a.m. We stay until 6 or if we only take 30 minutes for lunch, 5:30 p.m. It really hasn't been too bad yet. (I think my body may still be in shock as I have always been a night owl!!!)

I always admired (when I didn’t want to strangle them) the people who can get up early in the morning and be happy and chipper and to some of us - annoying. That has never been me! I always tended to be more of a quiet, reflective person in the morning. In fact, sometimes English seems like a foreign language before I have had some caffeine.

However, this week has been different. I haven't minded talking in the morning. I have actually enjoyed getting to work early. I can get things done when it's quiet.

I hope I still feel this way next week and that I am not hating life. I am planning on sticking with the routine on my day off during the week and on the weekends. I think that will make my life easier in the long run.

A Day At The Hospital

Today was a very long day! This is what I did:

1. Got up and got ready
2. Took Jacey to school
3. Came home and then Mom and I took my car to have the oil changed
4. Came home and got our stuff
5. Took my car to get new tires
6. After leaving my car, I drove Mom and Dad to the hospital
7. Went to two banks
8. Picked Jacey up from school at 1:00 p.m.
9. Went to the hospital to see Dad before his procedure
10. Waited at the hospital


For those of you who don't know, and most of you probably don't, Dad had a heart cath done today. He was scheduled for 3, but got bumped up to 2. I am not the most patient person in the world and it is especially disturbing to sit and wait at the hospital. My younger brother, Kristian, made it to the hospital while Dad was having the procedure done.

We actually received excellent news. Excellent news being relative to the overall picture and what we were afraid we might hear. My dad's heart looks good. He has 20-30% blockages, but nothing to worry about right now. The bad news is that the artery in his leg (the one that is not 100% blocked) is now 70-80% blocked. He will need to have a stint procedure done in a couple of weeks. The exciting news is that they have new technology to try and feed a wire into the blocked artery and attempt to open it up. If that works, he will have major improvement with blood flow! Now, the doctor did say that it was a longshot, but he is going to try. Jerrod and I were talking tonight and we are going to be praying specifically for one little wire to find a way through. The doctor says that if he can get a way in, he can open it up and get it stinted. This should help with Dad's leg pain.

It Was a Beautiful Day

Today we went to the Dallas Arboretum. I took lots of pictures of Jacey and a few of some flowers. I have to admit that I was disappointed this time. The last time we went was in March several years ago and the tulips were gorgeous! They have just changed out their flowers for their May Flowers exhibit and so everything looked a little dull. But, it was gorgeous weather and the day was spent with family. What could be better? Here are some of the pictures. Let me know what you think.
















No trip to the garden would be complete without the serpent. (You will have to click on the picture to actually see the snake.)

Speed Test

80 words

Speedtest

So, how fast can you type?

The Other 6 Days

I just found a cool site! It’s www.other6.net. Its premise is that some people find God in church one day a week, but where do you find God the other 6 days? The site lets you post a bubble saying where you have found God today and/or a bubble saying where you need to find God today. It is pretty interesting to read some of the bubbles and see where others find God. So, if you are reading this, you should check it out. They even have a reminder clock you can download to remind you to take time to reflect on finding God.

Happily Frustrated

The good news is that Jacey's blood tests are normal! The frustration comes from not knowing what is causing her joint pain and breaking out. Dr. K wants to wait until she is better and then proceed with allergy testing. He thinks she either has a hypersensitivity to a virus that she was exposed to that will eventually clear out of her system or she is having some type of allergic reaction. I am leaning towards a food allergy. We know she's allergic to red dye. However, this time she has not had anything that contained red dye. I'm thinking she has developed some kind of sensitivity to something else. So....now we wait for her to get over this outbreak and then do the allergy testing. I hate waiting! Maybe God is trying to teach me patience!

I Hate To Wait!

I used to rub Jacey’s hands when she was little and she loved it. I started rubbing her left hand last night and she started crying because it was hurting her joints.

We’ve been waiting since Monday for the lab results. When I called the doctor’s office about 2 p.m. I was told that they came in at lunch and they are on Dr. K’s desk. So, now it is just sitting and waiting until he calls. I am hoping they are normal. If they are, we get to do allergy testing. Jacey is just ready to find out what’s wrong. She is tired of hurting and itching and very frustrated.

Here We Go Again

Jacey went to the doctor today for pain in her left elbow. I know she was in a lot of pain because she kept moaning in her sleep. By the time she got to the doctor’s office she had started breaking out in a rash and her joints were aching. Dr. K sent her for some additional blood tests today. She had not had anything with red dye to cause her to break out. He seems to be focused on the possibility of rheumatoid arthritis or lupus. I hate waiting for test results. He said that if everything looks normal, he will probably do allergy testing. I'm sure she will love that since she hates needles!

New Look & Family Vacation

I changed the look of the blog in honor of our family vacation. Yes, we have decided to go back to Disney World this year. Jacey is very excited. If everything goes according to plan, we will have a group of nine! We have some friends that are planning to go at the same time and they are taking their three kids. I think Disney is the ultimate place to spend time with family and friends! It is so cool! We are going to try to make an ADR (Disney speak for advanced dining reservation) for breakfast or lunch at Cinderella's Castle this time. Jacey wants to go back to Chef Mickey's again, so we will probably do that. We are going to go in the fall this year, so we are going to attend Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party. It's like Boo at the Zoo at the Disney level. They have special decorations and lighting and a parade and trick-or-treating in the park. I have almost finished The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World 2008. I am about to work my way through Hidden Mickeys. Jacey gave me Hidden Mickeys for my birthday this morning. I will get my new laptop carry-on from Mom and Dad tonight. (Yes, I know what it is, because I picked it out.)

Good Friday

This picture leaves me speechless.

Life Can Change in a Second - Thankfully Our's Did Not

I honestly don't think I had ever been as scared as I was from last Tuesday to Friday morning. Jacey's doctor called on Tuesday and said that her white blood cell count had dropped to 2500. He thought it was probably caused by a virus, but wanted to refer her to a specialist for a second opinion and to make sure he wasn't missing something. Of course, the first thing I did was look up low white blood cell count on the Mayoclinic's website. According to the website, it can be caused by viral infections, lupus, some meds, radiation therapy, leukemia, and myelodysplastic syndromes. It also said that a dangerously low white blood cell count is below 2500. Since her level was 2500, I decided to keep her pretty much isolated at home because I did not want her to be exposed to anything else.

Dr. Bowman at the Cook's Hematology and Oncology Clinic worked her in at 8:15 Friday morning. After filling out a very in depth questionnaire, we were taken back and placed in a room where we had more questions from the nurse before we saw the doctor. After examining her, Dr. Bowman said that she appeared healthy, but he wanted to do a blood test so that he could look at her cells under the microscope to make sure they looked okay. He said it would take 30-45 minutes before he had the results and we could wait there or go to Starbucks at the hospital. Of course Jacey chose Starbucks. When we got back we were told to go back to the room she had been in before we left. We probably waited about ten minutes before Dr. Bowman came in and told us that everything looked fine. She did not have leukemia or any cancer and that she was basically a healthy girl. Her white blood cell count was now within the normal range and we did not need to return to the clinic. I was so relieved!!

I hadn't told anyone that I was worried about her having leukemia. When I called my aunt, she said she and my grandmother had both been worried about it and since I hadn't said anything, she didn't want to worry me. She actually teared up after I told her. My grandmother told me that she had been praying about it all week. I don't know think I have ever asked so many people to pray for something before.

I am very thankful that everything was fine. I just can't help but think about the families that aren't given good news. I can't imagine the helpless feeling of being told your child has some terrible disease. How do you hold it together so your child doesn't know how terrified you are? After all, you're the adult and you're supposed to be the strong one. Do you wait to get home and then fall apart in private? I know that everyone deals with things differently, I just thank God that I did not have to find out.

Coolest Gift Ever

My aunt gave me a digital picture keychain for Christmas. It’s pretty lame that it has taken me almost two months to finally open it and put some photos on it, but I have been busy. (I could continue to whine about how busy I am, but I won’t since everyone else has the same problem!) Anyway, this thing will hold over 60 pictures and it is totally cool! No more feeling like a loser mom because I don’t carry photos in my purse. I just have to remember to keep the battery charged!

Missed It By That Much

At my latest weigh-in, I had lost a total of 9.4 pounds. I know it's great, but I have to admit I was a little disappointed that I did not get that extra .6 for an even 10 pounds. It's actually very good considering that I did not do that great while waiting for test results. I tend to eat when I'm stressed!

Bad News Can Be Good News

I have been having some health issues recently. I even had to have my mom drive me to a doctor’s appointment because I was in so much pain!!! I had to have some testing done, which included a sonogram. The sonogram actually showed something. I would normally consider this to be bad news, but considering that if it was negative I would have had to be cut on and scoped, it is actually good news. So, I have started on some medicine and I am hoping to start feeling better soon!

Weight Watch

I kept up the losing streak last week with a 1.8 pound weight loss. That brings my total for January to 7 pounds!!!

Hannah Montana Concert

I had not posted anything about this, but Jacey and I had a great time at the Hannah Montana concert. We enjoyed The Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana and Miley Cyrus. It was a great experience! Everywhere you looked were moms and daughters. It was interesting that a lot of the parents with little girls left after Hannah Montana. The tweens and teens stayed through the entire concert.

I have to admit that Miley Cyrus's love of the '80s came through. The neon colors were very prominent. Here are some pictures.

Return to Weight Watchers

Mom and I started back at Weight Watchers last Sunday. We had our second meeting and first weigh in today. I won't tell you how Mom did, except to say that she definitely had a loss! (Good job!) I actually had a great week. I lost 5.2 pounds!!! (For perspective, that is the equivalent of a bag of sugar!) I think I did great considering I was on Prednisone and trying to make sure I did not eat too much!

So Many Pictures, So Much Memory

For me, the digital camera is both a blessing and a curse. Some things I love about the digital camera:

1. small enough to fit in my purse and take up little space
2. always ready to use (as long as I remember to check the battery)
3. never worrying about having film
4. a 2GB memory card that holds way more than 48 pictures

Some things I don’t like about the digital camera:

1. it’s so small it gets lost if I’m carrying a big purse
2. forgetting to charge the battery
3. never having the photos printed
4. a 2GB memory card that holds so many pictures that I now have over 500 pictures that have not been printed.

I am having a case of insomnia and decided to make use of my time by downloading the enormous amount of photos from my camera. Then I will need to copy them to a disc, label them and try to get them printed at intervals in the future so that I don’t go broke trying to print all my photos.